Unlocking the Depths of Taboo Desires: Exploring Forbidden and Provocative Sexual Fantasies

Hello!

I try to keep an eclectic view of things. I like to learn new stuff, am a curious person! On Twitter, I follow diverse sources and conflicting opinions, seeking to embrace contradictions and different perspectives. Since I first started to be engrossed in writing the captivating historical romance (check ALL THOSE DUKES) set during the Victorian era—a time of remarkable social and industrial revolution.

this William Holman Hunt painting known as 'Sin and Salvation' or 'Awakening Conscience' from 1853 always gets me thinking if the girl is being attacked or if she's happy with the guy's interest. 

One of the intriguing profiles I follow is "Whores of Yore", which sheds light on sex workers throughout history and advocates for their rights. Exploring topics like sexuality, eroticism, and society, their insights have been fascinating. Recently, I stumbled upon an enlightening article that aligns perfectly with my current musings about the appeal awful men have in literature (Mr. Rochester, Mr. Grey, etc.) - I cannot agree that gaslighting is sexy. Sorry.

Titled "Why some women fantasize about forceful sex, and why that’s nothing to be ashamed of," this thought-provoking piece delves into the complexities of sexual desire, power dynamics, and ambivalence. The article features a captivating image, "The Awakening Conscience" (1853) by William Holman Hunt, leaving me pondering the subjectivity of the portrayed emotions—despair, surprise, or perhaps something else entirely?

again William H Hunt - The Hireling Shepherd. Is the girl happy with this thirst??

‘Sexual desire is complex, often teeming with obstacles, power differentials, and ambivalence’

It's worth noting that while discussing the disparity between romanticized characters and real-life experiences, I recently criticized the tendency to idealize womanizing protagonists in books while condemning physical and mental violence. Simultaneously, I've been revisiting the 90s Brazilian drama soap opera "Vale Tudo," a nostalgic exploration of a more open yet elegant era. In one storyline, Ivan, the charming and deeply flawed hero, abandons the fiery Raquel for the wealthy Helena, citing his desire to support a fragile, polite, and refined partner. The weak female makes him feel more manly than the woman who can fend for herself. This raises intriguing questions about societal expectations and personal fulfillment.

Therefore, stumbling upon this insightful article felt serendipitous, aligning with my recent contemplations. While I'll provide excerpts, I encourage you to read the full article on Inews.

John Everett Millais, Spring

here we go!

The article highlights that the nature of these violent fantasies is not accurately described as "rape" but rather as an act of submission and domination. It emphasizes the crucial distinction between consensual fantasies, where individuals maintain control and non-consensual, traumatic experiences like rape. Within the realm of fantasy, individuals explore themes of being ravished, pursued, and eventually succumbing to overpowering sexual partners, indulging in a primal desire for surrender and longing to be desired.

These fantasies may be influenced by cultural narratives surrounding gender, power dynamics, and historical representations of submissive female characters and dominant male figures. The influence of literature, art, and the romance genre, in particular, can shape desires and expectations. However, it's essential to recognize that fantasies do not necessarily reflect real-life desires or preferences. They can serve as a means to explore internal conflicts, safely confront past traumas, or experiment with aspects that may not be desirable in reality.

It's crucial to emphasize the distinction between consensual fantasies and real-life sexual violence, which is a grave violation devoid of consent and control. 

A study in 2009 found that 62% of participating women had sexual fantasies in which they were forced to have sex against their will. These statistics can be uncomfortable to acknowledge, particularly in the wake of the Me Too movement that was so misused and transformed into money-grabbing ambition as in the Johnny Depp incident. 

tenor

But to understand ourselves, we deal with the uncomfortable. 

Why do some women regularly fantasize about being forced into sex?

"Rape" is perhaps not an appropriate description of this type of fantasy. Rape is not consensual, whereas a sexual fantasy of being ravished, no matter how violent, is always under the direction and control of the person who desires it. Rape is a deeply traumatic, often fatal, profound violation of a person's being. It is a terrifying experience because it is not consensual and the victim is disempowered. But the fantasy of ravishing is always a safe place, always under your own control and always being consented to. No matter how extensive the duration may be, how dramatic the setting is, or how bizarre the plot, it's impossible not to indulge your own fantasy.

So the first thing that needs to be established is that these aren't fantasies about rape, they're about submission and dominance.

We already see a difference here, a deviation in the direction of the conversation, you see?

Dr. Bisbey is a psychologist and sexual intimacy coach who works with individuals and couples explains that while this fantasy is one of the most common ones her clients come up with, “none of the 1,000-plus women I've worked with or interviewed over the last 30 years wanted to have a real rape." 

Fantasy is about sex. Real rape is about power.

slate

Making a clear distinction between sexual fantasy and sexual assault is essential.

Novels portraying aggressive male characters often referred to as "rakes," prompt debates on reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes and normalizing abusive behavior. However, it's important to recognize the distinction between fiction and reality, as most individuals can differentiate between fantasies and real-life actions. Promoting a culture of consent, respect, and equality in interpersonal relationships remains paramount.

Did you know that in the 19th century, dissatisfied women were considered 'hysterical' and one of the treatments was 'pelvic massage'? That's exactly what you thought when you saw this illustration. 

Masturbation. Made by the doctor. In the office. The name of it nowadays? That's right.

It is deeply insulting and simply wrong to suggest that rape is an erotic experience. It is critical to use the correct term "ravish fantasies" rather than "rape fantasies" as this not only removes the loaded word "rape" but also communicates the consensual power shift at play.

Fantasy is not the same as wanting it. If you have those, give yourself leave to enjoy.

This brings us to contradictions that many people find in their sexual fantasies: Sexual desire is complex, often fraught with obstacles, differentiated power, and ambivalence. The realm of sexual fantasy often brings shame to people because their most powerful imaginations can go against their ethics, politics, or beliefs, and be the opposite of what they would like to happen.

"Fantasies are a meeting place for desire and conflict."

tenor

Ultimately, sexual fantasies and preferences vary for each individual, provided they are consensual, confined to the realm of imagination, and occur within a safe context. For example, you may never have understood why your friend dated that weird/tall/skinny/boring guy mainly because you are not her and each person have their own desires. Engaging in self-reflection about your fantasies is essential.

Remember, sexuality is a deeply personal aspect of life influenced by diverse factors, including individual experiences and desires. I'm not an expert, what we discussed here comes from my curiosity and years of writing and reading romance novels. 

If you have any concerns or questions about your sexual fantasies, I encourage you to seek professional support, such as a therapist or psychologist, to discuss them in a confidential and safe environment.

tenor

Anyway, fantasies are what make reality bearable, aren't they?

see ya

M.

Keeping Mr Grey

Hi, long time since my last post in English.

I've been indulging my sweet Amigas Darcy with a Portuguese version of Darcy's and Lizzy's hot Boston weekend, right on the beggining of my story 'How William Darcy persuaded Lizzy Bennett to love again' aka 'Friendship of a special kind (FOASK)'. Anyway, that´s done and they are surfing their sexy mood while I devoted myself to another task.

For several months now I had been struggling with Fifty Shades Trilogy . When I first heard of it, I was finishing the first edit of my story, so my mind was consumed by that (awfully hard) task. Then I re-revised it a thousand times (1000x awful task), posted, commented, revised again, posted on FFnet, revised, edited, translated 5 chappys to Portuguese, revised, edited and now it´s (almost) ready for publishing. YAY, btw.

Anyhow, only two months ago I finally started reading '50 shades', after the hubburb had spread around the world. At first, I hated it. Then I found my way through it. Let me explain my several shades of Pale.

1st shade: I LOVE FANFICTION. It´s no news to anyone who read this blog's subtitle. I do. I discovered fanfiction when waiting for the next Harry Potter to be released, I guess after book 5. And I loved it from the begining. Kinky Harry and Ginny: fun. From that to JAFF. In my mourning after release of Harry Potter 7 , Amazon sent me a lovely e-mail saying that I might like a book called Twilight . Oh boy, did I like it! And that brings me to shade 2.

2nd shade: I LOVED THE TWILIGHT BOOKS . From the end of chapter one, I was Team Edward. I read all three books in a row, hooked all my friends on it, I adored it. Merely having fun with a cool little book, I was very glad to find several hints of P&P on Bella and Edward. Come on! That was cachaça meets lemon! And that brings me to shade 3.

3rd shade: I LO-LO-LOVE P&P. No news either. On the right side bar you can find several fanfiction written by me and translated to two languages. I am crazy for Mr Darcy. Imagine when I found the 'Mrs Darcy' site? Yep, I went beserk. - 'Beserk' is so Edward, right? As well as 'unconspicoulsy'. Anyway, I had so much fun surfing Darcy's fandom that I let him talk to me and now I even consider myself a -hm,hm- writer.

4th shade: TWILIGHT FANFICTION. Loved those, made friends, elected my very best fanfictions ever like 'Waiting for dawn' (IMO it´s way better than Breaking Dawn. This is my view of their story.), 'Cullenary education', and my fave AU story - 'LOST' - the one when Edward returned only years later and Bella moved on to be a business shark. Fun, fun, fun. 

All this put, I was glad when I learned the story behind '50 shades'. Really glad, a cool long NC17 fanfic published and sucessfull. YAY!!! So, as soon as I was sure I wouldn´t inadvertently copycat anything from it while editing my story, I started reading and...

5th shade: I WAS BORED. Yeah... bored to my wits.  But, hey, this is Edward and Bella! Gotta keep going. I had to cajole myself to keep trying till mid book 1.

6th shade: I DON'T MAKE LOVE. I FUCK. HARD. Mmmm... how promissing. I kept myself going, deep down fearing Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty. Frankly, just thinking of Mrs Rice's books I get a weird twist right there where Anastasia feels the tightening in-every-5-or-6-lines. Really weird. Hard to describe. I dropped the first Sleeping Beauty after 1/4 read. Too much for me, too hard core. So yes, I kind feared Grey would be the mean Prince. Well, he´s not.

7th shade: VANILLA BDSM = MOMMY PORN. I like mommy porn. Yeah. Both in flesh and written. Or movies. Who didn't enjoy '9 1/2 weeks'? But excuse me, Mr Grey, you´re not my first. Enid does kinky fuckery marvelously. Rika too. A hawt bathing each other scene, here. A kinky delicious weekend, here. A damn hot beguiling panties-wetting pervert night between two consenting adults, here. No, am not linking my own stories, though I 've been compared to Mr Grey on FFnet. Point is, Grey is too... macadamia nut brittle. He has his oh-so-damn-hot-moments, but he could have some brandy in him.

8th shade: NO COPYRIGHT TO S. MEYER? Frankly, that made me sad. It's her Edward and Bella. Am still incredulous on this shade.

9th shade: BLOOD FOR SEX: WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!! I thought it so nice! It´s exactly what it is: instead of her blood, Grey wants her sex! Excellent idea, perfect, well connected, brilliant.

10th shade: AN AMATEUR MAKING MILLIONS. How great this is! An amateur writer making millions with her hobby, people liking and commenting. Great! The other day I saw a woman, late 20´s, leave her building with her '50 shades' in hands and nose buried in it, absently waving her doorman off, walking the streets and getting in the subway. She walked 3 blocks without taking her eyes off of it! I was coming from my baby's school and when I recognized the cover (BTW, amazing covers) I slowed my pace to walk behind her. I have to say that if she tripped, I would help her. An offer a copy of my book. Who can expect a greater success than this???

11th shade: I SEE, I TAKE, I SAY. '50 shades' is all written in the first person, in the present. Cool! I liked it.

                                           f.e., my FAVE SCENE OF ALL - Fifty Shades Darker: Book Two of the Fifty Shades Trilogy - CHAP 13

' “You’re running?” he whispers as his eyes widen with fear. 
I say nothing as I try to collect my scattered thoughts. 
“You can’t,” he pleads. 
“Christian . . . I—” I struggle to collect my thoughts. /.../
“No . . . no!” he says in desperation and puts both hands on his head. 
“Christian . . .” 
“No,” he breathes, his eyes wide with panic, and suddenly he drops to his knees in front of me, head bowed, long-fingered hands spread out on his thighs. He takes a deep breath and doesn’t move. What? 
“Christian, what are you doing?” He continues to stare down, not looking at me. “Christian! What are you doing?” My voice is high-pitched. He doesn’t move. “Christian, look at me!” I command in panic. His head sweeps up without hesitation, and he regards me passively with his cool gray gaze—he’s almost serene . . . expectant. Holy Fuck . . .'

12th shade: DOES GREY NEEDS TO BE EXCUSED? I hated that. One can be mean and twisted because he likes to be. One never heard that Snow White's Stepmother had been an abused child. Or that Cinderella's mean sisters were burnt with boiling water in their craddles. People just want things and do whatever it takes to achieve their goals. Dex was an arse and we love him. So did Emma. I wish Grey were just... Grey. Plain dark chocolate with rum. Yummy! Not vanilla in disguise.

13th shade: ENCOURAGE YOUR WIFE TO READ IT. This last week, I heard from three different sources this same sentence. Husbands encouraging their wives to read '50 shades' to steam up the marriage bed. Come on! Can I curse here? Go &*%$#&*%$! If a husband can´t seduce his own wife - a woman who agreed to marry him some time ago - it´s because he can't show her a propper boner. She doesn't need to be seduced by Grey or Darcy or Cullen to be hot. Right? Do your job, you lazy husband! Read the books yourself! And buy a riding crop !

All this rambling and babbling comes to this: For me, '50 shades of Grey' is disappointing. I hoped I´d be avid for dark Grey and not hot for soft Grey, I hoped for a page turner, I hoped to be thrilled like I was when I met Edward Cullen. I hoped to be - a little -  shocked like when I tried Sleeping Beauty. I hoped for more, like Anastasia. 

So, bottom line is: 

I did enjoy Mr Grey, but I'm back to Mr D.! He´s still THE man! ;)

see ya.

Disclaimer: Images from Google, all stories cited belong to their authors, rambling and Foask are mine.