Hello!
I try to keep an eclectic view of things. I like to learn new stuff, am a curious person! On Twitter, I follow diverse sources and conflicting opinions, seeking to embrace contradictions and different perspectives. Since I first started to be engrossed in writing the captivating historical romance (check ALL THOSE DUKES) set during the Victorian era—a time of remarkable social and industrial revolution.
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| this William Holman Hunt painting known as 'Sin and Salvation' or 'Awakening Conscience' from 1853 always gets me thinking if the girl is being attacked or if she's happy with the guy's interest. |
One of the intriguing profiles I follow is "Whores of Yore", which sheds light on sex workers throughout history and advocates for their rights. Exploring topics like sexuality, eroticism, and society, their insights have been fascinating. Recently, I stumbled upon an enlightening article that aligns perfectly with my current musings about the appeal awful men have in literature (Mr. Rochester, Mr. Grey, etc.) - I cannot agree that gaslighting is sexy. Sorry.
Titled "Why some women fantasize about forceful sex, and why that’s nothing to be ashamed of," this thought-provoking piece delves into the complexities of sexual desire, power dynamics, and ambivalence. The article features a captivating image, "The Awakening Conscience" (1853) by William Holman Hunt, leaving me pondering the subjectivity of the portrayed emotions—despair, surprise, or perhaps something else entirely?
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| again William H Hunt - The Hireling Shepherd. Is the girl happy with this thirst?? |
It's worth noting that while discussing the disparity between romanticized characters and real-life experiences, I recently criticized the tendency to idealize womanizing protagonists in books while condemning physical and mental violence. Simultaneously, I've been revisiting the 90s Brazilian drama soap opera "Vale Tudo," a nostalgic exploration of a more open yet elegant era. In one storyline, Ivan, the charming and deeply flawed hero, abandons the fiery Raquel for the wealthy Helena, citing his desire to support a fragile, polite, and refined partner. The weak female makes him feel more manly than the woman who can fend for herself. This raises intriguing questions about societal expectations and personal fulfillment.
Therefore, stumbling upon this insightful article felt serendipitous, aligning with my recent contemplations. While I'll provide excerpts, I encourage you to read the full article on Inews.
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| John Everett Millais, Spring |
here we go!
The article highlights that the nature of these violent fantasies is not accurately described as "rape" but rather as an act of submission and domination. It emphasizes the crucial distinction between consensual fantasies, where individuals maintain control and non-consensual, traumatic experiences like rape. Within the realm of fantasy, individuals explore themes of being ravished, pursued, and eventually succumbing to overpowering sexual partners, indulging in a primal desire for surrender and longing to be desired.
These fantasies may be influenced by cultural narratives surrounding gender, power dynamics, and historical representations of submissive female characters and dominant male figures. The influence of literature, art, and the romance genre, in particular, can shape desires and expectations. However, it's essential to recognize that fantasies do not necessarily reflect real-life desires or preferences. They can serve as a means to explore internal conflicts, safely confront past traumas, or experiment with aspects that may not be desirable in reality.
It's crucial to emphasize the distinction between consensual fantasies and real-life sexual violence, which is a grave violation devoid of consent and control.
A study in 2009 found that 62% of participating women had sexual fantasies in which they were forced to have sex against their will. These statistics can be uncomfortable to acknowledge, particularly in the wake of the Me Too movement that was so misused and transformed into money-grabbing ambition as in the Johnny Depp incident.
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| tenor |
But to understand ourselves, we deal with the uncomfortable.
Why do some women regularly fantasize about being forced into sex?
"Rape" is perhaps not an appropriate description of this type of fantasy. Rape is not consensual, whereas a sexual fantasy of being ravished, no matter how violent, is always under the direction and control of the person who desires it. Rape is a deeply traumatic, often fatal, profound violation of a person's being. It is a terrifying experience because it is not consensual and the victim is disempowered. But the fantasy of ravishing is always a safe place, always under your own control and always being consented to. No matter how extensive the duration may be, how dramatic the setting is, or how bizarre the plot, it's impossible not to indulge your own fantasy.
So the first thing that needs to be established is that these aren't fantasies about rape, they're about submission and dominance.
We already see a difference here, a deviation in the direction of the conversation, you see?
Dr. Bisbey is a psychologist and sexual intimacy coach who works with individuals and couples explains that while this fantasy is one of the most common ones her clients come up with, “none of the 1,000-plus women I've worked with or interviewed over the last 30 years wanted to have a real rape."
Fantasy is about sex. Real rape is about power.
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| slate |
Making a clear distinction between sexual fantasy and sexual assault is essential.
Novels portraying aggressive male characters often referred to as "rakes," prompt debates on reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes and normalizing abusive behavior. However, it's important to recognize the distinction between fiction and reality, as most individuals can differentiate between fantasies and real-life actions. Promoting a culture of consent, respect, and equality in interpersonal relationships remains paramount.
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| Masturbation. Made by the doctor. In the office. The name of it nowadays? That's right. |
It is deeply insulting and simply wrong to suggest that rape is an erotic experience. It is critical to use the correct term "ravish fantasies" rather than "rape fantasies" as this not only removes the loaded word "rape" but also communicates the consensual power shift at play.
Fantasy is not the same as wanting it. If you have those, give yourself leave to enjoy.
This brings us to contradictions that many people find in their sexual fantasies: Sexual desire is complex, often fraught with obstacles, differentiated power, and ambivalence. The realm of sexual fantasy often brings shame to people because their most powerful imaginations can go against their ethics, politics, or beliefs, and be the opposite of what they would like to happen.
"Fantasies are a meeting place for desire and conflict."
tenor
Ultimately, sexual fantasies and preferences vary for each individual, provided they are consensual, confined to the realm of imagination, and occur within a safe context. For example, you may never have understood why your friend dated that weird/tall/skinny/boring guy mainly because you are not her and each person have their own desires. Engaging in self-reflection about your fantasies is essential.
Remember, sexuality is a deeply personal aspect of life influenced by diverse factors, including individual experiences and desires. I'm not an expert, what we discussed here comes from my curiosity and years of writing and reading romance novels.
If you have any concerns or questions about your sexual fantasies, I encourage you to seek professional support, such as a therapist or psychologist, to discuss them in a confidential and safe environment.
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| tenor |
Anyway, fantasies are what make reality bearable, aren't they?
see ya
M.
