segunda-feira, 30 de junho de 2014

10 +1 reasons why people cheat

hello,

While I blog, my TV is on World Cup mode because I'm addicted to it. Soccer is not usually interesting to me but there's some magic on 32 national teams fighting to be known as the best for the next 4 years. Not that it helped Spain...

Also, here in Brasil we always think THIS YEAR we'll bring the trophy - or keep it here. Actually, we say that the World Cup has come home.

32 x 11 = 352 + ocasional 352 that's 704 hot hot men running around in my 42" TV. That's got to be interesting! 


hot rio chick world cup 2014
Germany's Hummel, Greece's Panagiotis and Holland's Van Persie are my faves.
But not as handsome as Portugal's Figo, in my POV.

Anyway,  while 22 men desperately try to win a spot on the Final 8s, I work on my new story. I've already posted two drabbles from this world - Indulgence and Hungover - so you can see the story IS building up.

Before starting this story back in late December, I asked my husband if I wrote a romance about cheating second chances would bother him. He said 'absolutely not' and suggested me to work outside the cliches. 'Ok, people unhappily married cheat. But why happy people cheat?' he asked.

I started researching on blogs, clients, friends, articles, etc. and concluded that happily married people cheat for the same reasons unhappily married people do.

Let me list my findings so far:

1. The marriage seems fine but actually it's shitty.
Being an architect, I've seen many couples trying to salvage their lives by renovating their homes. They seem fine from the outside, all smiles and pecks in public but when they have to decide if the sofa will be sectional or a tuxedo, the fights begin. And let's not talk about closet space: that's when things go wild.

2. People tend to feel unappreciated.
Everyone has a hormone drop or something, a day when you're feeling down and if the spouse picks that day to complain or disagree its reason enough. I mean, that's when you're not unappreciated, you just feel like it. If you are, any day is a tricky day. I had a couple as clients that I hated to meet with. The husband would always disregard his wife's opinion as 'bullshit', 'useless' or 'silly'. Guess? She remarried and asked me to design her new house and now she disregards the new husband opinions! Ha!

3. Everyone needs attention.
As said above, one needs to appreciate and be appreciated back. One bad day is something, a row of them is hell. Providing a financially comfortable life is not everything. And having money problems can make things a lot worse.

4. Stress and weariness can work against a relationship.
Balancing a professional life, kids, house chores, family is very hard. Not only for women, but for men as well. The weigh of the family is tough to carry. I myself need a time for myself once in a while to decompress. Doesn't everyone?

5. The influence of single friends.
You know when you are fed up, frustrated, tired and your single friend show up all sunny and smiley? It's as old as true: the grass is always greener on the other side.

6. Self-esteem burst.
I guess the most dangerous moment is when one decides that he/she deserves more. If what you have isn't satisfying your needs, if you think it's holding you back that's when one decides to go shopping for more.

7. Sexual stimulation.
There's no denial for that. There are people you consider hot anywhere like those soccer players I listed above. If one finds response to a glance, soft words... Or simply someone who isn't that hot but is very sexy, or intelligent, or pleasant, or simply says what one wants to hear.

8. Internet makes it easy.
Easy to disguise, to live a second life, to try new stuff in the safety of your home. Like wearing a mask, one can risk a stray at the greener pastures with the certainty of returning without being caught.

9. Underestimating the ally. Or the enemy.
The old cliche of the guy dating his secretary or the woman dating her boss is an example of those things I listed earlier. The 'secretary' is someone who admires the 'boss', she's appealing, interested, fresh, etc, etc. When I say 'secretary' x 'boos' you can read 'co-workers', 'friends', 'wife's/hubs' best friend', 'neighbor', whatever. I'm not saying that men cheat because their women don't watch out, I'm saying that sometimes one cheats because the spouse underestimated their courage. I have a friend who lived a crappy marriage although hey made a lot of effort to put up a show. He was (sorry) ugly like Shrek, she is a Japanese cutie; she thought no one would want such an unappealing guy, he thought she was a simple housewife. Guess? Yeah, both cheated.

10. Opportunity.
Summing up all said above: you can be unhappy, happy, consider yourself unhappy but if you don't meet someone who fills your needs, you won't cheat. Given the opportunity, wouldn't you visit the neighbor's to check on the grass?

I'm talking here about cheating with someone else like having sex, or a relationship. Women tend to think that cheating has many shades like spending money that was supposed to be saved for a trip, f.e. I have another friend whose hubs is the major provider and he is always pointing out that they are short on cash, but every year he takes month long trips to Indonesia to surf while she stays at home with their baby daughter. I absolutely don't have anything to do with their lives and his financial planning could be arranged around his trips, who knows? But my friend feels cheated.

That brings me to reason 11: Selfishness.
My story will deal with that for a bigger part. Counting all the reasons above, taking the chance and going for it when one already has kids and a professional life established has to be based on selfishness. That 's what I saw on my friends who divorced. And of course it can be the excuse to bury your life in a crappy marriage: I won't divorce because of my kids, because I like my comfortably financial life, because I won't jeopardize my career, because I won't handle a family alone, because I can cheat when I want and then come back home. Because.

No matter what reason, it's always ugly isn't it?

See ya.